Ha, I love the use of "Captain"!
Please check that router/software is not blocking ports 7770, 8089, 5672, 5222, 8080, 21020-21036, 7401-7600 for the game - no idea how to do that, help!
turn off all programs which use internet heavily (like torrent programs, netflix clients), - I'm using my work machine so definitely no torrent programs being used, like-wise with Netflix etc
disable antivirus, - At work, disabling anti-virus probably sack-able offence!
turn off k9 web protection filter or similar to that filters - Don't know what that is, but am at work so not sure that's an option
also, you can try to put your router into DMZ mode - No access to router
I've just sent connection test reports through Steam launcher for all 4 servers.