[La Santa Hermandad - The Holy Brotherhood, new Catholic military order/clan]

Nah, don't forget he's really that old. It seems like even Satan refuses to catch him so he stays with the Spaniards. I guess they really deserved each other.

Btw: It was really a hard piece of work to move his incredibly fat ass on that Spanish coal barge to send him home. My Grandpa told me that they needed four cantilever arms and dozens of horses and that barge almost keeled over when he was aboard.

Make love, not war, Dick Brave (EDITED)

[Excommunication Decree from the Bishop of Havana]

This is, and surely will be, your greatest but only success. And I can generously grant it to you since the Dutch Navy will kick Spanish butts wherever and whenever so hard that they will fly all the way back to that ugly withered country full of fat papist pickpockets you call "home" (In other words: Spain - just wanted to make sure that your alcohol befogged brain understand).

Ah, no please, I pass on that. I prefer to stay honest.

Jaja, Alcoholic delirium always makes your mind that foggy, I know. You have my pity.

Btw: I've heard that Moustache Miranda is your new favourite. You really like that masculine touch, don't you?

Dick, you are a miscarried sheep that I have taken upon myself to bring back to the flock of the true and only faith. You can continue your grotesque personal attacks, it only makes me love you more, because I see how deep in the abyss of hatred and depravity, your false cult for money and Lutheran lies has taken you.

It is with great sadness that I see now my mistake in not realizing sooner the torment of your soul, that expresses itself in your abhorrent words. The cloud of hate that blinds you and prevents the gospel of Christ from entering your hardened, black soul. Mea culpa my son.

I will try to bring some joy to your miserable penny counting Dutch life by publishing a special edition of photos of some of my dear daughters, the Little Sisters of the Holy Mojito. I hope the pictures will help you see again the wonders of creation that are the expression of our Lords love for all humanity. Especially for lost and confused souls like yours.

Bless you, my son.

[La Santa Hermandad - The Holy Brotherhood, new Catholic military order/clan]

How would you know what my words sound like from protestant ears, unless........ you are a protestant in disguise. I should alert your Holiness to the treachery you have commented. I would start praying if I where you.

Dear Nic.

I have been trained to combat all kinds of heresy and deviant cults. I'm familiar with all their superstitions, lies, blasphemies, and theological errors. I have been graduated in Theology at the Sevilla University and spent 20 years chasing Lutherans and rebellious princes in our Kings possessions in the Netherlands. Believe me, I know how a protestant sounds, and you make no sense even to the most inconsistent of the inconsistent protestants.

[Excommunication Decree from the Bishop of Havana]

Haha, I must admit, you won the battle of foul language by far. I just wonder what that tells about you

Blessings, my son.☺ It is good you admit your defeat. Humbleness and pursuit of truth are the first steps to embrace the Cross and the Catholic Church. I still have hopes to save your soul, despite your worrying obsession with mutilated and obese women.

Blessings, my son.

[Excommunication Decree from the Bishop of Havana]

No matter how hard you try, old fat bottomed papist alcoholic pickpocket, you won't hit me

 

Make love, not war, Dick brave. (EDITED)

[Excommunication Decree from the Bishop of Havana]

Now that was expected. Guess what an alcoholic answers if you ask him wether he's an alcoholic or not.

 

It looks like I hit a nerve.

 

And please, don't pray for me. After all Satan could come to the most likely conclusion that you are the bigger sinner, decide to do you a favour and send me to heaven after all. That would be a pityh

I will pray for you nontheless, For you and your ugly daughters, so they may find proper Dutch husbands, and they may give you lots of Grandaughters as ugly as their Grandfather.

[Excommunication Decree from the Bishop of Havana]

Ha, Don, you make me laugh.

 

But now I understand, the reason why you don't recognize your favourite girls is that you're always totally drunk.

This explains why

- you don't remember those "beauties",

- you confuse them with the little sisters of the Holy Mojito,

- you are not able to satisfy them,

- you are telling them all the secrets of your War- and Traders-Fleet and

- you're still willing to pay them.

 

To much Rum, old chap, makes your brain look like British "Spotted Dick". Now it's sure that you're already in an alcohol delirium, and that finally explains your ridiculous Excommunication Decree as well as this ludicrous idea of a new military order.

 

Therefore I can't blame you to be so dump in the meanwhile that you're not able to remember that our lieve hollandse meisjes always have blond hair.

 

Instead I'll spend some Gulden for your nightly visits to One-Legged-Maria. It's probably the only good thing that happens in your poor life.

 

I'm looking forward to meet you in hell some day.

 

Make love, dick Brave, not war

[Excommunication Decree from the Bishop of Havana]

Hey Don, 

 

you old fat bottomed papist pickpocket.

 

To be honest, I have my doubts that these are images of the real Little sisters of the Holy Mojito. They are more the outcome of your wet dreams, because if they were real, I really won't understand why you and your fat papist inquisitors prefer

 

Big Bottom Bellinda,

 

 

Hook Nosed Elvira,

 

Squinting Carmen or

 

Moustache Miranda.

 

Unfortunately I don't have a picture of your favourite One-Legged-Maria. The painter told me that she's too fat to get a full image of her on a canvas.

 

There you go again, with your obsessions. Thank you for the pictures of your daughters, real nice specmens of Dutch beauty.

[La Santa Hermandad - The Holy Brotherhood, new Catholic military order/clan]

No, my dear Vernon, we will not attack pirates, we will attack anglo-american pirates until you stop showing up around Havana, and the rat hole of Key West is fully sanitized and exorcized.

[La Santa Hermandad - The Holy Brotherhood, new Catholic military order/clan]

The irony of course is that if we didn't sin, then Jesus's death would be for nothing. Is that really the way to honor his death, by spiting on his sacrifice? Do not lets these false Christians guide you, convert to the glorious Protestant reformation. If y'all where true Christians you would just turn the other cheek and practice forgiveness towards your enemies.

 

My son. You really should take some time to go through your religious studies again. You sound heretic even to protestant heretic ears.

 

Perhaps you can drop by Havana to receive some enlightening crash course on theology.

 

As for the other cheek, you have proven that this is not the right approach with the angloamerican mob, so now it is your cheeks getting slapped.

 

You will go to hell to keep company to Calvin, Luther, Henry the VIII and the rest of your lot of infidels, unbelieving, pagan renegades. Get over it and accelerate your reckoning by surrendering to any ship of my Santa Hermandad Order.

[Excommunication Decree from the Bishop of Havana]

It is with great comfort to this captain that news were received of two former Mojito nuns were rescued from the yoke of the Papists.

 

Actually it was an amazement for the crew, which I had to deal with given some of them retained old Navy superstitions, that the ladies offered no resistance to the seductive power of unwashed freebooter captain.

 

Upon safe return to the haven they were presented to the Pirate Jesus Charity and them nuns were wondered that they could continue their mercy work, tending to the orphans while having access to other less merciful pleasures.

 

They were never harassed nor dispossessed of their belongings including a roman catholic bible ( yarr ! a black book ! ) and crucifixes. Surprisingly them ladies left the habits on the shore and took some nice tight leather leggings and loose linen shirts which let them womanhood bouncy bouncies be more appreciated by the world.

 

Blessed be Pirate Jesus that free us all from the yoke of servitude and grant us the way to shiny shiny paradise.

 

 

Ooohhh, Captain Hethwill!!!!

 

I cannot hold it any longer!!! We have laughed so hard in Havana, at your expense!!! But I shall not, in good conscience, allow this to continue. I have to make a confession:

 

What you think are two Little Sisters of the Holy Mojito, called Sister Lola and sister Bibiana are, in fact two British sodomites that had set up their repugnant trade in a cabaret in Havana, disguised as women. We caught them during one of our Inquisition raids, and I though It would be funny to play this little practical joke on you. We faked an escape and presented your drunk deviant sailors with the opportunity to carry out the "rescue".

 

This is what you got:

 

 

And this is what the real Little sisters of the Holy Mojito look like. Forgive the light clothing, but t´s so hot in Havana that I have given them a special exemption to make their lives more bearable.

 

 

The fact that you have not yet spotted the difference, shines a revealing light on the true nature of your preferences, and those of your crew as well.

 

So, feel free to continue enjoying the pleasures provided by Sisters Bibiana and Lola, we will continue laughing here in Havana for a very, very long time.

[La Santa Hermandad - The Holy Brotherhood, new Catholic military order/clan]

Forgive me father.

You are forgiven my son, pray 25 Our Fathers and make a donation for the support of our Holy Mother Church, and the convent of the Little Sisters of the Holy Mojito, in penitence for this little peccadillo.

[La Santa Hermandad - The Holy Brotherhood, new Catholic military order/clan]

Wrong place to anounce a new clan.

 

Dear Brother CeltiberoCesar.

 

Thank you for your suggestion. This is not just the announcement of a new clan. This is news of the creation of an army of earthly angels that will cleanse the Naval Action map of pirate angloamerican sin, greed, heresy, sodomy and violence once and for all. The Santa Hermandad will defeat the enemies of our Catholic King and change the face of the Caribbean forever, for the greater glory of Our Lord, Jesus Christ.

As Metropolitan Archbishop of Havana I respond only to the religious authority of the Holy Mother Catholic Church, which I represent in Havana, and it seems, in all of the Caribbean, not to the Civilian authority which you and the Council represent. I have decided that this is the appropriate forum to make this significant announcement.

 

I, Inocencio Botijo, Metropolitan Archbishop of Havana, consider necessary to inform all of the different nations, clans, factions, both Catholic and heretic of these news, so they may adjust their behaviour accordingly. And you may do well, master CelitberoCaesar, not to contradict me in public again, if you want to avoid the unwanted attention of my diligent Inquisition Office, or a visit to my underground dungeons, where I contribute to the greater glory of our King, and the ease of mind of the civilian authorities, by converting the restless local Indians to Christianity.

[La Santa Hermandad - The Holy Brotherhood, new Catholic military order/clan]

It is with joy in my heart that I, Inocencio Botijo, Metropolitan Archbishop of Havana, announce the creation of the "Santa Hermandad" [sH], or, translated to your impious tongue "Holy Brotherhood", our new Catholic Military Religious Order, based in Havana.

 

The Santa Hermandad will patrol the Havana waters to cleanse them of the scourge of pirates, American, British and other clans, heretics, blasphemous, impious, deviant captains. The Santa Hermandad pledges obedience to His most Catholic Majesty, the King of Spain, and vows to defend all of the King´s possessions to the last drop of our blood.

 

By virtue of my previous excommunication decree, every act of violence committed upon these enemies of our King constitutes an act of self defence, and thus falls under the principles of "Just War", or Ius bellum iustum, and therefore, not only just, but necessary, desirable, and pleasing in the eyes of Our Lord. Jesus acknowledges the legitimate use of force, telling the apostles, "let him who has no sword sell his mantle and buy one" (Luke 22:36). Christians must not love violence. We must promote peace whenever possible and be slow to resort to the use of arms. But we must not be afraid to do so when it is called for. Evil must not be allowed to remain unchecked.

 

Enemy captains will be offered one chance to embrace the Holy Cross and renounce their heretic hostile intent, and, if they reject our generous pardon, be sunk, burnt, or taken as a prize. Captains found guilty of moral deviation, sodomy, lecherous acts, kidnapping nuns, plundering the riches of peaceful Spanish traders, or attacking the ships if His Catholic Majesty's Navy, heresy, witchcraft, apostasy, arianism, gnosticism, origenism, montanism,  marcionism, docetism, adoptionism, nestorianism, monophysitism, monothelitism, iconoclasm, anglicanism or protestantism, guttony, incest, pedophilia, lesbianism, adultery, onanism and masturbation, among other cults and abhorrent sins, will be summarily executed without trial, on site, by virtue of the authority invested in me by His Holiness the Pope.

 

Through the power of Lord Jesus Christ of Nazareth, I exhort our enemies to renounce and forsake every source of sin in their lives. I ask you, Lord Jesus, to send forth an assignment of angels to destroy every demonic influence that may have contributed to their sinful behaviours.

 

I arise today through the power of the Lord Jesus Christ and ask that our Santa Hermandad, and the Little Sisters of the Holy Mojito, be blessed with your Holy Wrath, and become the tip of the sword of the armies of the heavens, which, following Our Lord's will, strike without fear at the wicked hearts of our enemies.  May our Catholic Warriors be filled with the Holy Spirit’s gifts of peace, patience, love, joy, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, humility, forgiveness, goodness, fortitude, discipline, truth, relinquishment, good self-image, prosperity, charity, obedience, a sound mind, acceptance of self, acceptance of others, trust,  wholeness, wellness, health, wisdom, knowledge, understanding, and the light and life of the Lord Jesus Christ.

 

Amen.

[Excommunication Decree from the Bishop of Havana]

I must assure you Monseñor they are not little at all. The creatures actually jumped out the walls of the convent and they made a lot of the lads blush...What can I say !?...

 

Oh and thank you for their names as herselves presented as Candy and as Sugar. Which I found wildly amusing given the cane plantations of the island heh !

Of course, they are not little. I´m well familiarised with their ample volumes, which I consider particularly comforting after a long day of work converting Indians. I´m especially fond of one of them, Sor Lola, be careful because she may leave your crew without any energy or combativeness after one of her rampages. 

I will have to console myself with the other 198 Little Sisters. We have some newcomers freshly arrived from Sevilla that need to get acquainted with he loose an tropical ways of the Caribbean. I am going to have a lot of spiritual counselling to do... I may be forced to discipline some of them. Ahem...

 

Aniway. I hope Sor Bibiana and Sor Lola are not forced to commit any acts contra natura against their own will. I make you responsible for them.

 

With my Blessings.

[Excommunication Decree from the Bishop of Havana]

It is with great comfort to this captain that news were received of two former Mojito nuns were rescued from the yoke of the Papists.

 

Actually it was an amazement for the crew, which I had to deal with given some of them retained old Navy superstitions, that the ladies offered no resistance to the seductive power of unwashed freebooter captain.

 

Upon safe return to the haven they were presented to the Pirate Jesus Charity and them nuns were wondered that they could continue their mercy work, tending to the orphans while having access to other less merciful pleasures.

 

They were never harassed nor dispossessed of their belongings including a roman catholic bible ( yarr ! a black book ! ) and crucifixes. Surprisingly them ladies left the habits on the shore and took some nice tight leather leggings and loose linen shirts which let them womanhood bouncy bouncies be more appreciated by the world.

 

Blessed be Pirate Jesus that free us all from the yoke of servitude and grant us the way to shiny shiny paradise.

  

You best not have intercepted my two stoutly-built auburn-haired beauties.....       

  

Nay !! I would never steal... I mean, be seduced by such cargo from a fellow captain, although I refuse to answer for the lads of the crew, free men they are. I take frequent naps ... I mean meditation retreats you see...and a lot happens on deck while at those. Of of the lasses has mahogany hair now that you talk about it.

  

Well, since you have insisted upon debauching my sloths, as it were ....  I suppose 2 or 3 "Sisters of the Spiced Rum" would be an adequate compensation for my loss.  Again, please have them sent to my estate on La Mona.  Oh, and stoutly-built and of red hair.

 

I am, sir etc, etc, &

  

A sharp witted lad shall bring the first parcel of that agreement soon. It was not the best we could find but meets the standards of some of the finest establishments in Morgan's Bluff.

 

  

Hahahaa...  What she lacks in "bottom" is clearly made up in sass...  And yes, hope he  isnt a member of your "young gentlemen's" ward room.....

  

Lads assure me everything is in order... whatever that means. Last sortie we were 12 days at sea...so...yeah... good luck

OHHHH!!!!

How do you dare discsussing your depravity and luscious sins so openly!!!!

These posts would provide sufficient proof to condemn you in any tribunal, earthly or heavenly, to eternal damnation. The lecherous acts you commit on the pure and virginal bodies of those poor two Little Sisters of the Holy Mojito, that were nocturnally kidnapped from their cells, will bring universal shame and condemnation upon you and your factions.

I will inform His Holyness the Pope personally, mentioning your two names.

This will not end here. Sister Bibiana and Sister Lola shall be returned immediately to Havana, or you will face the consequences, the rage of the Holy Church, and of the whole Spanish Nation!!!!!

[Excommunication Decree from the Bishop of Havana]

This is blasphemy!

It is I, my son who decides what is blasphemy and what is not, by the authority entrusted to me by the Holy Roman Catholic Church. 

Even questioning my authority, not to talk about accusing me of blasphemous, is a blasphemy itself.

 

You ate therefore, hereby excommunicated.

[Excommunication Decree from the Bishop of Havana]

Be careful with your wishes Vernon. He could send One-Legged-Maria.

 

 

 

First: I'm definitely not your son. My nose is testifying, it's as big as my father's one, no way that someone else took over that job.

 

 

Second: I prefer to make my money by honest work instead of betraying poor people.

Third: That's why I'm pretty sure to meet you in hell.

 

And why are you try to threaten me with your fat papist inquisitors all the time? Don't you have better things to do? Doesn't a night with One-Legged-Maria satisfy you? Something seems to be seriously wrong with you.

 

Btw: Are you and those fat papist inquisitors taking turns on Maria? I've heard that she still demands for a real man. 

 Your obsession with one legged Maria, and fat people, which only you brought up, and seems to be permanently in your mind, denotes the kind of character you have, and the stuff you are made of.

A capitalist shopkeeper like you, pretending to care for poor people, makes me laugh.

 

And I threaten you with inquisitors, because that is what this thread is about. Keep on uttering insults and manifesting your obsession with mutilated women, that only reflects badly on you and on the Dutch faction.

[Excommunication Decree from the Bishop of Havana]

I wouldn't mind to have a spiritual comfort one of those Sisters of the Holy Mojito as a cabin maid.

 

I am sure my black sould needs a lot of conversion.

 

Arhem.

 

Might raid the convent one of these days...or nights.

To raid the convent you would have to pass trough the dense line of defences of Havana, and then confront my personal guard, sent by the Pope from Rome.

Better come to Havana with peaceful intent, lest you perish in your futile attempt. Here are some pictures of what awaits you there.

 

[Excommunication Decree from the Bishop of Havana]

Dear Don Incencio Botillo,

Now that sounds like a good first step to try and save my soul... Can you please send a few Sisters of the Holy Mojito order to my estate this evening to begin their "reformation process"? Can you please ensure that a least two of them are red-haired with stout constitutions. They may be required to beat and whip the demons out of my flesh before we partake of their tasty minty libations. Please have them sent to my estate on La Mona, as I believe an extended period of time may be necessary and the weather is less stiflingly hot over here.

I am,sir, etc, etc., &

Vernon Merrill

 

Dear Captain Merrill.

 

The Sisters of the Holy Mojito inhabit in a small monastery in the outskirts of Havana, where they live an enclosed life devoted to prayer, spiritual development and service to the poor. I´m the only one allowed inside their convent, to celebrate the Holy Mass and provide for their spiritual needs, as the shepherd of their flock. Of course, if any of them have physical needs, I´m also required to fulfil them, since most of them are young and inexperienced, I cannot allow the outside world to spoil their pure and gentle souls.

 

With you, Captain Merrill, we could do an exception, if it helps end the confusion in your allegiances, and stop your hostile intent towards our King and Navy. The little sisters would be thrilled to listen to your war stories, and would treat you with care and attention worthy of a king, catering to your every need. They produce delicious pastry and have a charming little room where I´m forced to discipline some of them when they commit little misbehaviours.

 

I invite you to come to Havana under a flag of truce and see what the Little Sisters of the Holy Mojito can do to appease your soul and your warlike character.

 

Yours sincerely.

[Excommunication Decree from the Bishop of Havana]

As a swedish pagan of the holy roman empire, i wonder if im self inflammable?

Read the Inquisition manual:

 

"Chapter Three, Auto de Fe.

 

Witches, heretics, pagans, atheists, apostates and other enemies of the Church are not naturally flammable. In order to carry out a good Auto de Fe, that can provide a healthy and constructive example to the masses, as well as renew the spiritual zeal of our flock, the participants in the event must be covered, surrounded or placed on top of an amount of sufficient flammable material, normally wood.

 

Coal, petra oleum, or vegetable oil can also be used, but wood provides the best results, and is more economical and the fire substantially more spectacular.

 

The ratio is ten kilograms of wood for each kilogram of participant. For a complete combustion, add some gallons of oil to the wood, if it´s olive oil it will smell better."

 

I hope this satisfies your curiosity. There is no specific mention of Swedish nationals. Perhaps you can do some research and provide an answer, since I understand you burned quite a few witches yourselves, without need of technical assistance from the Spanish Inquisition.

[Excommunication Decree from the Bishop of Havana]

Dear Don Inocencio Botillo,

 

The manual of the old days should be perfect of the reasons since I have read the manual of old multiple times so I can sail safely in your waters without problems.

I have seen during my journees more heretics then you can ever try to convert. The ships I use have a special treatment so the can survive longer in most conditions. 

The Bible I carry is the protestant, but i cannot lie about my descendent so i always carry a pocket catholic bible with me use them on special occasions.

Even though you want me to convert and try to kill the heretic in me you will fail because faith is stronger then the manuals of old.

 

And the traderoutes are still are getting more profitable the more heretics you try to hand or burn.

 

Merchant Pietjenoob of the Vereenigde Provinciën

Companie DAS

 

In the end we might be able to save your soul, Mr. Shopkeeper.

Keep that bible close to your heart. It may do some good by osmosis, penetrating your coriaceous Lutheran and greedy soul.

 

I send you my blessings. I will pray for your conversions with the Sisters of the Holy Mojito tonight, my son.

[Excommunication Decree from the Bishop of Havana]

Yeah, I guess, that's why your papist King was so eager and grateful to accept the independence of the Dutch Republic in the Peace of Westphalia.

Now, if the great catholic kingdom of Spain, the empire where the Sun never goes down, one of the most powerful and wealthiest countries of this time, is not able to defeat a small country like the Seventeen Provinces within 80 years and finally has to accept a declaration of independence and a hardly aspired peace, I wouldn't call that a success if I were you.

 

But for one thing you are right, we never made it down to Madrid. We didn't need to because we kicked your fat Spanish butts so hard that you flew all the way back.

 

And now, go for One-Legged-Maria. 

Mmmmmhhhh.....

 

Captan Brave.....

 

You are testing my patience with your lack of respect. When we capture your pitiful sloop, I will be happy to give you a guided tour of the basement of my Episcopal Palace, where we keep some of the instruments we used to convert the local Indians to Christianity.

I will particularly enjoy applying some of the Inquisition´s "special recipes" on you. Let´s see if you can utter any more insults without your tongue or teeth.

 

See you soon.

[Excommunication Decree from the Bishop of Havana]

Lets say I have received some complains about how the role playing speeches are going into history facts too frequently.

Oh come on!

 

This is a historical game. Don´t take the fun out of it. If I wanted sterile neutral discussions I would be playing some Star Trek game in the Alpha Quadrant, talking about Romulan malevolence, Ferengi greed and arrogant Klingons!!!

[Excommunication Decree from the Bishop of Havana]

 

 

History is always written by the winner, isn't it?

 

 

Now, I don't care about the threat of excommunication. I already decided to go to hell. I've heard that it's warm down there and much more fun. And I'm pretty sure that I'll meet Don Inocencio Botillo there

 

My son.

 

I can assure you that will not be the case. I have 100% guarantee of going to heaven. I have bought and sold so many indulgences I could wrap the walls of my chambers with them. I can´t understand why Luther finds so inconvenient this practical and economic purchase of salvation. I would think the Dutch might appreciate this commercial approach to spiritual relief. 

It´s much more profitable and safer than sailing around with your holds full of compass wood any way. You should check out my Episcopal Palace in Havana.