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Widely seen as a costly kleinkrämerei, SMS Eisenadler (variously nicknamed "Bleigans," "Wilhelms Torheit," and later affectionately "Eisengans") took years to build, featured a strange and unique main armament, and consumed significant resources from the Reichsmarineamt.

The passages contained herein chronicle the strange history and adventures of the Kaiserliche Marine's most misbegotten ship.

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https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/c/c3/Bundesarchiv_Bild_134-C1743%2C_Alfred_von_Tirpitz.jpg/340px-Bundesarchiv_Bild_134-C1743%2C_Alfred_von_Tirpitz.jpg

Alfred von Tirpitz, Konteradmiral and Head of the Reichsmarineamt

Kapitel 1: Kaiser Mit Uns

10 February, 1907, Leipziger Platz, Berlin

He looked up from the plans, the specs, the clutter and whirlwind of the morning's Industrial Intelligence report. There it lay, as real as the keel that grew in the Armstrong Whitworth dockyards in Newcastle. They'd done it. That damn Admiral Fisher had gone and made some new absurdity, some great gaping chasm that the Reichsmarineamt would have to cross. "Six 305s to a broadside, 26 knots, 150 mm at the belt. Even our cruisers can't get away from that thing."

"Is this madness, or brilliance?" von Tirpitz thought to himself. Dreadnought was a revolution, a stroke that put all the plans, the work, the build up of the new fleet instantly in the dustbin of obsolescence. It had been a frantic year since the British had revealed her to the world. Day after day, week after week, going over exhaustive design specifications for Deutschland's answer to the new battleship. They'd done it to. They had the plans. The foundries burned and the steel flowed in a great river of production to Wilhelmshaven. Pretty soon they'd lay the keel, then the Marine would answer the Royal Navy's challenge.

Then there were the damn turbines. Stroking his parted beard, the admiral thought, "The devil take that man. One million Marks per turbine? Well, you have us over a barrel now, Mr Parsons." The new Deutsch dreadnoughts would use the simple and true vertical triple expansion marine steam engine. It wouldn't be compact and efficient like Dreadnought, but at least they could keep up, and put eight of Krupp's finest 280 naval guns on any enemy at sea.

"Twenty-six knots? How many boilers can you cram in a damn hull? Damn you too, Fisher." he muttered. "Do you know what a headache you've given me? You know what, why should I should I run the Naval Office? I'll put your name up to the Kaiser, Jacky. You'll get along famously."

With that, the old Prussian collected his thoughts, and began the onerous outline of an answer to this new British monstrosity. "Invincible" he scoffed.

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I'll be adding continuing passages in the OP as I create them. Wanted to put together a fun little story on a ship that never was, and the odd happenings that might have happened in that timeline.

Edited by VarangianGarde
1st Entry; Offices of von Tirpitz
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