Oh No Sir. I'm no Pirate !
I'm a legitimate sea captain searching for a Letter of Marque, to offer my services to the Crown in the furtherance of the goals of Her Majesty's Navy.
Supporting facts:
I shower at least once every two weeks.
I brush my teeth on a daily basis.
My ship is well stocked with bushels of Limes.
And most importantly, I'm in Alcoholics Anonymous and can't go near any rebel rousing types.
No offence to pirates :-P